OK – – first tip: if at all possible – just don’t. Ever.
Now that we have that critical piece of advice out of the way…
If you are ever in the completely and beautifully blessed yet logistically unruly position of being a mommy of four, chances are that at some point you will simply have no choice but to examine all the collective calendars and coordinate a haircut extravaganza afternoon (or morning). You need to carefully consider school calendars, other appointments, school-related extracurriculars, extra extracurriculars AND you’ll want to try to ensure that the hair appointments are all taking place on a day when it is financially worthwhile to have all four kids looking their best. If you want an extra special challenge, go ahead and make an appointment for yourself too! The salon is just never quite so relaxing as when you get to station hop across the room to ensure every stylist knows what he/she is doing with each child and every child is behaving and keeping his/her head still (because crooked hair cuts are not cute).
MAKE THE CALL:
Next – now that you have an afternoon in mind (the perfect afternoon because you have decided to do some impromptu family pictures that day) you get to call the salon to schedule the appointments. Please make sure you leave yourself at least 20 minutes for this call, and have a strong
cup of coffee glass of wine nearby. Why? Because Heather, the chick who is working the phones, rarely has to coordinate more than one or two stylists and clients at the same time. When you give her 5, you have to allow time for her to try and understand you, get it wrong at least once or twice, get it right but then realize she forgot to “plug it into the system,” and finally redo it all thanks to wine-induced careful and patient guidance from you. I’m not exaggerating at all when I say you deserve a fancy cupcake after successfully making this call.
ROLL WITH THE CHANGES:
You’ll feel great until a few days later you find out your amazing photographer is not available on what my family affectionately calls “HAIR DAY.” Ok – you talk yourself off the ledge. No big deal; you’re not rescheduling because – well, see above. So, you simply reassure yourself by noting that you all need haircuts anyway and the impromptu pictures will look much more impromptu with neatly trimmed hair that hasn’t been professionally styled that day.
All is well until the morning of HAIR DAY when child #2 informs you that she has a school club meeting that she refuses to miss. (How did this fly under my calendar check radar?) Ok – – breathe. No big deal. She has very long hair anyway – no one will notice if she misses a trim. She will go to her club meeting; haircuts for everyone else.
Except – now you have to make sure club girl has a ride home, so please always have at least one close, reliable, amazing friend you can lean on. Call her or text her – and make sure she can handle the post-club pickup while you handle HAIR DAY.
Keep breathing – you’re almost in the home stretch. Now you simply have to call back Heather, or whomever else may be covering phones that day, and cancel just one of 5 appointments. Be careful – make sure she cancels the right one or it’s just total anarchy.
GET TO THE SALON!
Go to school to handle all kid pick ups (except for club kid). Guess what? Club is CANCELLED! The teacher couldn’t be there and now you’re back to four kids needing haircuts, with appointments for only three. Put on your mellow Coffee House satellite radio and chant SERENITY NOW to yourself the entire ride to the salon as you hope and pray that the cancelled appointment has not yet been filled.
Bad news: the stylist we had on tap for Club Kid is now booked; but good news: they have someone else available. It’s a HAIR DAY miracle. If you want your salon time to be extra fun, make sure to have four stylists come at you all at the same time because they’re ready – for everyone. Insert silent scream here. You now need to have your hands ready to accept the four pairs of glasses that are chucked in your general direction as all of your kids are whisked away for shampoo. Careful – because there’s two hair bands, an iPad and a book coming at you as well. Cat-like reflexes are very important on HAIR DAY. Explain apologetically to your stylist that she just has to wait while you tell the other three stylists exactly what they will be doing to your children’s heads. Try not to have a nervous breakdown when you are taken to a shampoo sink that may not be near your 5-year-old as he gets shampooed.
Have your hair washed and try to focus on the calm and relaxation whilst you can hear one child explaining to his stylist that he can’t be touched with clippers because his friend had a bad haircut yesterday, and your other son is talking to his stylist – whom he is sharing with his older sister – about his imaginary friend, Poopie.
LET GO AND ENJOY THE SHOW
Finally, just accept the fact that while you are in a chair, covered in a large black cape, with scissors hovering around your head—you are completely helpless and whatever happens now to your children’s heads is absolutely and unquestionably beyond your control. Use every ounce of self-control you possess to not leap out of your chair when you hear your youngest child- the one with the beautiful curls and long side-swept bangs – yelling “SHORTER!! SHORTER!!!
Good thing it’s not impromptu picture day…
PS: fun fact I learned today from my littlest man—The Wooly Mammock is ExStunkt.